he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
