one word: firstdatebathroomanal
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
