I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
