After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
