I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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