Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
