I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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