Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
3pm strippers are depressing
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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