I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize