She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
