Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
