I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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