I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
