Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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