last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
