you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
