im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
