Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
