Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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