And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Shame - the story of my life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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