he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
