Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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