not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I could make wine with my vomit
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
