i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
