I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
