So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
