there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
