I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
