Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
