y did u give ur computer a hand job?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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