You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Everyone says I win the strip club
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
