There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm going to jail i love you
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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