I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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