I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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