I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
