If i come over, it means nothing
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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