we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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