Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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