Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
