I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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