just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
