ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
