At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
