I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
