no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
