Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
