I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
