My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
