very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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