I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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