i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize