i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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