Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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