just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize