you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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