I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
