he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
