We're like a lot better than the average bears
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
