obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
