I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
