even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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