Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
