I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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