unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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